The Fine Line Between
by Michele-bell
Summary: Losing control is a fun habit for Axel. He likes it. But he's not addicted. Not to the blond kid either. AkuRoku. Messed up oneshot for Sowing Poppies!


**Author's Note: **Hey guys! So yeah, I haven't updated anything in a while so I thought I'd post this. I wrote this back in January for **Sowing Poppies** because it was her birthday. I didn't like the ending, couldn't think of a title (still not entirely satisfied but thank you Krys for helping me!), and I thought my crowd of readers might not like it... So I didn't post it obviously. But I think those of you who liked "Mad Love" will like it, and I've fixed the ending so it's better to my liking now.

This is much different than my usual writing. It's present tense... and kind of turns into free form/terrible-grammar-weird-repetition-lack-of-commas towards the end. So that part is purposeful. It probably _will_ be confusing. Just to warn you. And a lot is open to interpretation. So keep that in mind... it's weird. Please be nice, ahaha...

**Disclaimer:** I may strip them of their dignity whenever I can, but I do not own them.

**Warnings: **Messed up and slutty characterizations, drug use, sexually suggestive/content-y, confusing writing

And no, I am not promoting drugs. I do think drugs are bad. But it's for the story folks!

**Dedicated to: Sowing Poppies**

* * *

**The Fine Line Between**

* * *

_"You make me sick  
because I adore you so  
I love all the dirty tricks  
and twisted games you play  
on me"_

_-_ "Space Dementia" by Muse

* * *

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the little blond kid he's been watching asks – or more like yells at him, pulling him away to a corner of the club.

_Oh fuck what now he noticed?_

Axel blinks and takes a good look at the short boy holding onto his arm like a vise. _Oh he's even hotter close up look at those blue eyes whoa._

He smirks and says, "I just wanted-"

The kid cuts him off with a snort and says, "I know what you want. You can't just go around here asking random people or you'll get yourself arrested. Idiot."

Now the kid is clawing through his bookbag – who brings a bookbag into a club? – and Axel's heart picks up it's pace. "You got some?"

"Of course I've fucking 'got some', why do you think I'm talking to you?" Blondie snaps back, pulling a little bag out of his backpack, just a slip, a sliver of it poking out so Axel can see what it is, make sure he's got it. Axel's eye widen and he has to use every bit of what's left of his self control not to just reach out and snatch it all away for himself. He's lost most of that years and years and years ago and he's lost count of that exact amount too.

His grin returns and he asks, "So uh, ya gonna give me some?"

"No, I'm just hear to tease you," blond kid deadpans. He turns towards the back exit of the club slithering through the crowd like a fucking snake and Axel has no choice but to follow. The kid, Axel's been watching him and he has what Axel wants in more way than one. He's got the stuff, he's got the look and everything, Axel wants more than just what's in his backpack. He follows behind by a few feet, maneuvering through the crowd much more awkwardly, getting bounced around by gyrating bodies and dancing music – or was it the other way around – gyrating music and dancing bodies? He has no time to think of correct terminologies and all that shit, the kid, the kid was getting away and he has to catch him. All sorts of thoughts race through his mind, he has to catch the kid, make him his, get what's in his backpack. He has a plan now. Sort of. He was sort of losing people skills and all that. Come to think of it – Axel lost a lot of things. But he doesn't mind. He likes it.

Finally he catches up, a little breathless and having to fight away one too many girls who wanted to rub their sweaty bodies all over him, why was that appealing at all, at fucking all. Gross. Blondie opens the black exit door that has a texture like sand, which is weird, and cold air bursts into the club and smacks Axel in the face. But it's a good smack, he likes it, it cools him and he feels more confident now, he's cool, he can do this. Wait, that wasn't exactly the way it worked, was it? Oh well, he feels sweat evaporate from his skin and the shiver that passes through his body is good enough. For now. He's getting antsy. He needs, he needs –

"Still interested?" little blond kid asks, scratching an itch on his cute little soft-skinned cheek. Well, Axel doesn't really know if it's soft or not. But he wants to know. He bets it's soft. Like a baby. Come to think of it, blond kid doesn't look old enough to even be in this club. Weird. Oh well.

"Hell yes, of course," Axel says immediately, fingers twitching at his sides. _Yes, yes, yes, give me please_. _Give me your heart and your soul and your drugs and I want it all. A lot a lot, please –_

But blond kid turns again, heading into the parking lot. If this was a game, Axel wasn't so sure what to think of it. He wasn't very patient. He'd lost his patience years and years and years ago. Damn. For such a short little thing, Roxas was fast. That's good, Axel likes that. He likes things fast. _Please go fast with me, oh baby_.

They reach some beat up old Chevy, baby face, Blondie, jerks open the door – _it's not even locked haha what a dumb thing to do_ – and grabs Axel's hand, dragging him into the back seat with him.

"What's your name?" Axel inquires curiously, biting his lip to hold back 'kid', 'Blondie', 'cutie', 'hot stuff', 'baby face', 'holy crap I want to bang you' from coming out. He's learned that those comments weren't always appreciated by those around him. Maybe that knowledge has replaced what he's lost over the years. _Dammit._

The kid leans across him, pressing his body slightly against Axel's, grabbing the door and pulling it shut, because Axel forgot to, with a little grunt of effort. Oh, hot. Axel liked that.

"Roxas," the blond kid replies, fixing him with a look that Axel can't really read. Is it judgmental? Well, damn. He thinks he looks pretty good tonight. His hair is looking extra-well-put-together, not a single stray strand in sight, he's wearing his best clubbing outfit, all tight and colorful and revealing of his collarbone of course, he'd just been tattooed on his fucking _face _and goddammit the girls liked it but did this Roxas like it? Axel wants him to like it.

"I'm-" he tries to introduce himself but the newly-named Roxas only cuts him off.

"You have any money?"

"Uh, yeah, I do." Axel pouts. Money, money. Why's he care about money when he's about to learn a sexy redhead's name? Not fair. Life was never fair to him, Axel decides. Though maybe 'never' was a bit harsh. He _had_ managed to meet this cute kid who has what he wants after all. Now he just needs to take it.

"Gimme fifty." Roxas tells him simply.

Axel lifts his hips – _is_ _Roxas watching? Hot damn_. – in order to fetch his wallet from his back pocket – don't worry, he has a chain attached, Axel may lose a lot of things but he wasn't stupid enough to lose his wallet – and digs out a couple crumpled twenties and a ten and hands them over to Roxas without hesitation. Damn those looks. Roxas had him under his control with only the bat of an eyelash. Oh well. He likes that. He liked losing control. Losing things in general. And if Roxas wants to dominate him, oh, yeah, he'll be okay with that.

Like a good little dealer or whatever he was – Axel didn't have much experience with this stuff, was it obvious? – he watches baby face count the money and make sure it's enough. With that he decides to grace Axel with a beautiful smile, oh gorgeous. _Give me that smile everyday, please._ Then Roxas gropes though his bag again, Axel hoping that the kid would do the same in his pants soon too, pulling out the see-through little baggie – _what were those called again?_ – and tosses it over to Axel. Somehow Axel manages to catch it in his shaking hands, opening it hastily and ripping it a little at one edge.

"Hey, be careful!" Roxas scolds, watching him intently. "You can take three. And you can have one now. With me."

Axel raises a very intrigued eyebrow. What a good deal, what a kind little blond. This is awesome. He doesn't really have a place to put the ones he's not going to use now, though yes, yes, he has ones for later, how exciting! After a moment of thinking he just slips them into a tight little place in his wallet for credits cards. Sloppy, he might have to cut it open later in order to get them out but right now he doesn't care. Right now he's with Roxas and he's got it and it's his and he hasn't had it in a fucking _while _and he's about to have it with some if-looks-could-kill-Axel-would-have-been-dead-about-twenty-minutes-ago blond.

"You can't really go walking through a crowd just asking random people, you know." Roxas goes back to their beginning conversation when they first met. How romantic, what a cutie, and Axel patiently waits for the boy out of courtesy and like a common gentlemen so that they can start their high together. "You do this often?"

"Yeah," Axel responds, watching Roxas as he takes out his own poison. _Come on, hurry, hurry up, I want this and I need this and hopefully you'll decide that you'll need me just the same. _

"Doesn't seem like it," Roxas bends over and stuffs the bag down into his bigger one. Axel wonders what else he has in there. "You got a dealer or something?"

"No, no," Axel explains, jiggling one of his knees, wondering when they would start, when they were gonna do it. More of what he just paid for now, some added sex thrown in would be just fantastic but he was trying not to get his hopes up, they could talk later and fall in love and all that. Later. There was time for that later. Time for this was running out now. "But my source – my source is gone now," he says awkwardly, not really knowing how to explain it. He didn't really know where that bitch went. It had been a few days now and she wasn't answering her cell phone and he was out of patience because he wasn't addicted, he wasn't addicted, he just likes the stuff and he feels like he needs it now but he's not addicted because he doesn't need it all the time. Right.

"Hmm, that sucks," Roxas sympathizes, and Axel feels a lopsided stupid grin spread across his face. Oh, he likes this kid; he likes this kid a lot.

"You wanna be my new source?" He wants to add on 'for everything' but he's learned that that's a bit too much and he might lose Roxas that way. That was one thing for certain he didn't want to lose.

Roxas looks him up and down for a moment – _yeah check this body out_ – and replies, "Don't say stupid stuff like that. But if you want to put it that way, sure I guess." With that he pops the little circle into his mouth without warning.

Oh, no fair, no fair. Axel quickly follows suit and places his smiley-face pill on his own tongue.

"Tha's good t'hear," he tells Roxas, his words coming out a little slurred thanks to the object on his tongue, grinning at the boy with eyes that seemed as if they wanted to devour the whole kid's body.

Roxas studies him again before shifting closer with a speed that Axel doesn't understand and envies it until the blond's leg has been slung over his lap and he's straddling the redhead. Now Axel's lost all hope of understanding. This was even more than what he paid for. He swallows down his pill.

"What're you doing?" Axel asks stupidly and suddenly he feels really vulnerable and he _likes_ it.

"Don't tell me you're just in it for the E when you're dressed like that and can't stop staring at me." Roxas states dryly, pressing in closer and fitting their bodies together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Well this is a lot different from how things usually went. "We're… not going to go back to dance?" Now Axel feels even stupider because it's just dumb luck that he was able to get into this stuff anyway – connections and all that – and he really doesn't know what these people are like he only uses this stuff before going into clubs and raves and shit why was he asking questions because _blond boy is on his lap and pulling at the bottom of his low-cut shirt_ this is what he wants anyway so he decides to shut up fast.

Roxas curls his hot little fingers into Axel's shirt and doesn't say anything but presses their mouths together. Oh shit – oh. This is better than anything Axel could have hoped for, he can't remember if he'd been planning this or not, he'd lost that on the way there, staring at Roxas' ass. Oh well. He likes this better anyway because he doesn't have to think, just react. It's hotter than anything Axel has experienced for a while and it won't be long until things would get better, inside and outside of his body. More words were escaping him now, though thankfully not breaking out of his mouth in stupid ways because he has a good feeling – _though it's all good feelings right now isn't it? Fuck yes_ – that Roxas just wants him to shut up and enjoy each other and their high.

The way Roxas worked was amazing, burying his hands into Axel's hair and eventually into his pants – just as he had hoped – and Axel didn't nearly have enough coordination. This was bad, Axel wanted too much, he knew that this would end up being something more he would try to give up but become addicted to – no, not addicted. Axel wasn't addicted to anything. It would end up being something he _wanted_. Addiction was constant uncontrolled need. Not wanting. Right.

Soon he no longer needs to fuel crazy thoughts into his mind because it feels like the blood in his veins is squeezing and expanding and he gasps. Thoughts are kind of forgotten or are they still working, he doesn't really know. Roxas swears curses attaches himself onto Axel's neck like a good little vampire or leech or something – _oh please do feel free to suck the life out of me_ – and Axel's vision sight goes colorful around the edges and he smiles. He decides that this is probably the best high he's ever had since his first in the beginning, Roxas had decided to kiss make out with him touch him even before it had all taken effect before it was perfect and that was just wonderful more perfect. He'd gotten three more for a crazy ridiculous price in a good way and now he had some young hot thing all over his lap and what could really be better? He'd lost any idea of that a long time ago and fuck this is great and he feels it really start to take power ruling control now.

"What was your name again?" he thinks Roxas asks as he's panting trying to catch his breath moaning and Axel thinks it might just be his imagination hoping Roxas would want to know but he decides to answer anyway.

"Axel," he chokes bleeds struggles to get out and tries not to laugh chuckle sob because it sounds vibrates resonates all funny on his tongue which is pretty much numb unusable by now from the drug from the kissing from just Roxas being Roxas in general being amazing.

His eyes are electric blue and a car floats by with bright lights that shine through their windows and it creates a squiggly yellow streak across Axel's vision and he hates it and wants to scream because it turns into fire and he can't see Roxas anymore. When finally it fades away after sometime he sees Roxas' face is all flushed pink pretty and Axel wants it all to be because of him and he wants to see it more but he's lost the ability to form some kind of question request plead to see the boy after this. And fuck Roxas moves too fast and Axel can't see it's blurry and he still doesn't understand this but he doesn't really need to. He has time to understand later to talk later to fall in love later but right now this is the moment the present. He's fucking high he has hold of the most beautiful boy he's ever seen he's lost control he's lost everything he loves it keeps it up.

* * *

In the end when he has to gather what's left, he decides Roxas is the one thing he'll make sure never to lose. To never let him go. Axel likes losing things but not things like Roxas.

* * *

But it's not an addiction. Right.


End file.
